Monday, August 16, 2010

All America Redemption

This is my first entry for the Flash Fiction challenge. My assignment of genre/location/object was Romance/a restaurant kitchen/a ladder. I'm not too crazy about the title, but I AM crazy about my synopsis, which I will write here, and then the actual story. I clocked in at 985 words and submitted with an amazing 6 hrs to spare. I figured if I had fiddled with it any more, it would have gotten worse. I DID make a switch in action that I am very happy about so I'll leave my own comments at that and let you, my readers (huh?) decide for yourself.

"After dishing out the worst mistake of his life, can Scott fix it when served a second chance?"

       Scott punched in, on time as usual, and headed toward the kitchen of All America Food to start prepping for lunch.  He gave the requisite nods to the wait staff as he passed by.

      “Hey, Ashley, Kim, Jorge,” he forced out, not feeling in the mood to be cheerful, though he received more smiles and waves than normal in return.

      “Hi, Scott,” Kim grinned back, grabbing his arm and strolling along side him to the back of the restaurant.  “Don’t have a heart attack when you go in there, and don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” She let go and veered toward the bar just before they reached the shiny silver swinging doors of the kitchen. Scott paused and scratched his head, but didn’t think too long before entering. What met his eyes as the doors swung open, though, he could not have prepared for despite Kim’s warning.

      “Charlotte! What the hell are you doing here?” Scott’s face cycled through a spectrum of pinks and reds until it finally settled on maroon. He wasn’t sure whether to feel angry or ecstatic. He did know that his heart was perilously close to exploding in his chest.

      “And I thought you’d be happy to see me,” Charlotte crooned from her provocative perch on the step ladder. Scott was frozen in place as he stared at the impossible vision of his ex. She wore a t-shirt with Chuck Norris on it, jean shorts, and what were probably $5 Old Navy flip flops. Her long dark hair hung loose down her back, the ends just touching the top of the ladder where she sat, and the burgundy frames of her glasses glinted in the harsh lights hanging over the deep fryers.

      “No, I am not happy, I’m - What would possibly make you think that I’d be happy to see you? After what you - after we - argh!” Scott regained control of his muscles and he stalked over to the fryers and jerkily flipped the switch to “on.” Charlotte abandoned the seductive angle and slid off the ladder to wriggle her way between the fryer and Scott, the top of her head barely reaching his chest. Scott took a deep breath in an attempt to slow his heart rate as he stepped back from the petite woman.

      “Scott, please, I -”

      “Don’t play with me, Charlotte. What are you doing here? I have work to do.”

      “Listen, I know I said ‘no,’ but that’s only because you caught me off guard.” Charlotte matched Scott’s steps and placed her hands on his chest, her head tilted up to meet his alluring green eyes, the look in her own blue beauties positively supplicant.

      “You didn’t just say no. You burst into tears and ran out,” Scott added, hating how comfortable his hands felt resting on her shoulders. “And last I checked, I thought a proposal was supposed to be unexpected.”

      “Unexpected, yes, but not totally horrifying! You know how I get in front of crowds like that, and you -” she had to pause to regain composure, “you had the whole place staring at me, and I freaked out...”

      Scott heard her snuffle loudly, knowing she was trying in vain to hold back tears. But she, strong woman that she was, stood firm. He felt like a jerk. How could he have been so stupid? He should have known better. It must have been terrible for her to get put on the spot like that.

      “That was a week ago today, Scott. You didn’t even try to call or anything.”

      Scott’s heart sank, watching silent tears leak reluctantly from her eyes. She was right. He was an idiot. “I am so sorry. I was crushed after you left that night, and I was afraid you’d say no again.” All he could do was bow his head in shame, until a commotion by the doors distracted him. He looked up and saw Kim, Jorge, and Ashley spying through the small round window. He looked back at Charlotte, who was now smiling. She nodded to the peeping toms and they pushed into the kitchen, each holding a bouquet of at least two dozen roses each.

      “What is going on here?” Scott reeled in amazement as his friends surrounded him and Charlotte. Confused, he looked at who he had obviously mistaken as his ex for the past week. “Charlotte?”

      “Scott, I love you so much. I don’t want to have to run out on you again, so you better ask again quick.”

      “You all were...How did you?...” Scott glanced at Kim and the eager expression in her eyes goaded him on. He pulled the velvet box out of his pocket, he remembered telling Kim that he kept it on him for some reason, bent down on one knee, and presented the one karat solitaire to Charlotte.

      He looked straight into her eyes and took a deep breath. “Charlotte, will you marry me?” The moment of silence that followed was almost too long and he started to worry that she really would run out again. But then he heard the words he so longed to hear.

      “Yes, Scott, I will!”

      Scott stood and gathered his fiancee in his arms and kissed her long and hard until the cheers of the three rose bearers broke them apart. “How did you manage to -” Scott started to ask, but Kim answered before he could finish.

      “Charlotte called the other day wondering how you were doing, and I told her how depressed you were, so we planned it all to make sure you got to do it right this time.”

      Scott slipped the ring onto Charlotte’s finger and kissed her again. “How can I ever thank you?”

      Kim grinned before leaving the kitchen. “Just make sure we’re invited to the wedding!”

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